Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight: A Positive Guide

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John@CanFighter.com — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:45:00 GMT

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Cancer Fighter Newsletter Feb 15 2009: LIGHT A CANDLE

John@CanFighter.com — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

The Cancer Fighter Newsletter

by John Roberts

Based on the book: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers, and Loved Ones

www.CanFighter.com

Contact: John@www.CanFighter.com

IV/31. Light a Candle

Last days should also give peace to the living.

A seriously ill person with a positive and benevolent attitude becomes a candle that sheds light, warmth and beauty on those who have come to help.

––John Roberts

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

––Christopher Society, Motto

Old age is not an illness, it is a timeless ascent. As power diminishes, we grow towards the light.

––May Sarton

Now is the time to rise above your own troubles in order to lessen other people’s. Think about curing the people you love and forget yourself. We’ll all be thinking of you instead, and suffering for you.

––George Sand, letter to her close friend, Gustave Flaubert

Communication during an extended end time gives the Living opportunities: (1) to resolve conflicts and to let go of past hurts, (2) to strengthen relationships by talking rather than by remaining silent, (3) to reach satisfactory closure with the Dying, (4) to confirm and affirm the Living’s identity, and (5) to clarify the Living’s life path.

Goodby

I was able to say goodby.

I was able to say I love you.

I was able to say thank you

for all the things you did.

I was able to tell him how much

he meant to me

and that was important.

Nothing else mattered.

––Maureen P. Keeley, Ph.D. and Julie M. Yingling, Ph.D,

Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying

Talk to Each Other, 2007

When we are diagnosed with cancer, we suddenly become the focus of attention of a diverse group of people who care deeply about us, from nearby loved ones to distant researchers who do not know us. Some of what they do is beyond our control, but much is within our little sphere of influence. How well we manage and give to them has a significant bearing on our own happiness, survival, and final days. Regardless of our previous lives, we are now a leader of ourselves, and all the others. We will share our strength, understanding, and peace. Pass that candle to them to light their way, and they will return our love. And, they will share our vision and insight. When we leave, something of us will be left behind.

As the nature of our remaining years becomes more visible, we can also discern our own responsibilities and strengths. We can see the path we will take with our loved ones in reaching a loving understanding and parting. We push aside the barriers and hurts, and affirm the connections that will survive our departure. Love that once existed can be rekindled. The healing memories we leave behind will be more important to our survivors than the wounds that once weakened our relationships. It is wise to tend to those strains as they occur, so that they do not remains as barriers later on. Earlier in life, as we live, we must think how we will feel toward others as we die.

As we begin to see the arrival of death and the loss of life, we turn to the search for inner peace. We wish to understand what is happening to us. We wish to see more light, not more darkness. Our general theory is that spirituality helps us with those final achievements by surrounding us with a blanket of comfort and warmth and a framework on which to rest. In effect, our growing understanding lights more and more candles to show us the way, candles of strength and knowledge, candles of love and kindness, candles to help us deal with all the final challenges and duties. Sometimes, we have the ability to articulate this to those around us, which helps them to travel with us toward the gates.

As we search for the light, we exchange ideas with our caretakers and build mutual enlightenment. Seeing the way forward reduces our anxiety about what lies in the distance. It helps to take the last part of our journey with someone we love.

John Roberts has been fighting an incurable cancer for three years. Subscribe to this free, weekly newsletter for motivational advice on how to improve and extend life with cancer. Please forward this to others in the world of cancer.

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MAGIC BULLET: LUNG CANCER

John@CanFighter.com — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:01:00 GMT

A Phase III trial of a new lung cancer drug combined with an old one was so successful that yesterday the trial was discontinued early so that the new treatment could be approved (especially for the half of the trial participants who weren't getting it). A double-blind trial means that neither the patient nor the doctor know which half of the trail population is receiving both the standard treatment plus the trail drug, and which half is not receiving the trial drug. This is necessary so that positive or negative attitudes do not affect results; but it also means that half of the participants may not get the benefits that help cure the disease or prolong life. That is the only way that successful new treatments can be identified. The trail participant is, in a real sense, contributing life for the advancement of science.

I am currently waiting for a drug that has been shown to be successful in a small trial, but needs a larger one before it can be reliably approved: frustrating but necessary. I may die earlier because of that, but I understand. All part of the mental discipline of living and dying with cancer.

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INVESTING IN LOVE

John@CanFighter.com — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Ben Stein, the wise investment and social columnist, always has something thoughtful to say. Last year was tough on most of us, this year won't be much better. But, some things can be constant if we take care of them. A good time to focus on our priorities is when the world is changing and we need to keep our bearings.

We will get through this. I wish I had bought more stock in 1979, and more real estate, too. But here's what I really miss about 1979: both of my parents were alive. I could have spent as much time as I wanted with them, I could have learned from them, shared with them. Loved them. Let them love me. I desperately wish it were 1979 again, not for Jimmy Carter and the bargain stock market, but for missing my parents, whom are both long gone now. I don't know if it's a good time to buy stocks or real estate or what the inflation rate will be next year. I do know you won't have forever with the people you love. Be with them now. That's your best thirty-year investment. You cannot lose.

––Ben Stein, The American Spectator, January 30, 2009

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

Cancer Fighter Newsletter Feb 1 2009: CANCER IS YOUR SUPER BOWL

John@CanFighter.com — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 16:27:00 GMT

The Cancer Fighter Newsletter

A Free, Weekly Inspiration

For Patients, Survivors, Caregivers, and Loved Ones

by John Roberts

Winning is habit-forming: start early, do not practice failing.

Cancer Is Your Super Bowl

Cancer is the Super Bowl of your life, possibly the last great battle against your worst enemy. Pro football is the iconic symbol of American grit: the determination to win and the refusal to quit, courage mixed with intelligence and hard work; that is what enabled us to build this great nation in a few hundred years; and that is what we must have to win our own battle for life against the greatest killer disease. We all have within us the instinct and the genes to survive; but we do not all have the ability to persist, to fight, to study, to lead, to change our character, to dig deep for the ultimate effort that is required at the most difficult time. All that takes practice, self-leadership and discipline, the experience of winning and losing, the lifetime buildup of the strength to master ourselves. Our own will to live must reach its maximum when the threat to life is the greatest.

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.

––Vince Lombardi

What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
––John Ruskin

Some of success is doing well what you like to do. But, more of it is doing the things you don’t like to do, but must. It is too easy to make an excuse, and not do it, and fail.

––John Roberts

John Roberts has been fighting an incurable cancer for three years. He has just completed his book:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

Subscribe to this free, weekly newsletter for motivational advice on how to improve and extend life with cancer. Please forward this to others in the world of cancer.

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Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts Cancer Journal Jan 16 2009 MY LAST YEAR

John@CanFighter.com — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:13:00 GMT

John Roberts Cancer Journal

January 19, 2009

MY LAST YEAR

It is now likely that I will die before the end of 2009, according to the averages for my condition. I do not mean to be dramatic, but I believe in blunt talk and no denial. Acceptance of reality is not incompatible with fighting for life. I will, of course, continue to fight to extend the quantity and quality of my life. As the cancer tumors in my bones continue to grow and spread, as my immune system comes under assault, it is even more imperative that I continue the mental and physical strength and health programs that I have been fighting with for the past three years. Even if I fit into the middle of the bell-shaped curve where 50% of those with my condition die before three years, I know that good attitudes, fitness, and healthy practices can give me some additional time. It is still possible that I will move to the longer side of the curve and add more years to my life. I am 73 1/2, aiming for a party on my 75th birthday.

Meanwhile, science is trying hard to save me. Ten years ago, there were only a few drugs to treat cancer; now there are hundreds. Our new ability to see and change ourselves at the cellular level is on the verge of new cures. Earlier discovery has also helped. In the last 25 years, the five-year survival rate for all kinds of prostate cancer has shot up from 69% to nearly 99%. 10-year survival for everyone is now 91%, but in my case only 10%.

My problem is that my cancer metastasized to the bones before my prostate was removed, rooted and growing without the original source. That places me in the 1% of PC patients who will not live to five years because no cure has been found. In me, the two main treatments that prolong survival have now lost their effectiveness and only my strong efforts, good luck with the remaining minor successes, or a break-through by science will carry me beyond this year. However, I am in great physical and mental condition, and I know all the ways to fight, so I have good reason to believe that I will live longer than average.

Cancer is the toughest fight most of us will ever have. If you have cancer, you must fight. You fight to stay alive, but also for much more. If you win the fight, you have added another new life to your old one. Whether you are prolonging your life or sure to die, you are still fighting for other things, just as important: you are fighting for self-respect and dignity; you are fighting for peace and understanding; you are fighting for the ultimate reconciliation and love with your family and your spirituality. These are difficult challenges in the midst of your illness, but achieving these goals will give greater meaning to your life and the experience of dying, whenever it happens, whatever the cause.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

Cancer Fighter Newsletter Jan 19 2009: CANCER: MY LAST YEAR

John@CanFighter.com — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Cancer is the toughest fight most of us will ever have.

If you have cancer, you must fight. You fight to stay alive, but also for much more. If you win the fight, you have added another new life to your old one. Whether you are prolonging your life or sure to die, you are still fighting for other things, just as important: you are fighting for self-respect and dignity; you are fighting for peace and understanding; you are fighting for the ultimate reconciliation and love with your family and your spirituality. These are difficult challenges in the midst of your illness, but achieving these goals will give greater meaning to your life and the experience of dying, whenever it happens, whatever the cause.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 29 FIGHTING

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Complete Chapter Draft from the book in progress:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones

by John Roberts

See 25 more chapters at:

www.CanFighter.com

IV/26. FIGHTING

Fighting is not all outward aggression; some is self-control.

Knowing how to fight anything means knowing how comprehensive and coordinated the effort must be, all the while with sustained spirit and determination.

––John Roberts

Is this a private fight, or can anyone jump in?

––Irish Expression

Our culture and our society find it difficult to talk about illness, dying, and death. In part, our silence has fostered an information void that prevents people with cancer from knowing about and accessing the resources they need as they face the last years, months, and days of their lives….Both the public and the professional community need to be better educated about how to improve patient and physician communication, how to manage symptoms, and how to access and provide psychological support.

––Kathleen M. Foley, M.D., Ed., When the Focus Is on Care, 2005

In the end the great truth will have been learned, that the quest is greater than what is sought, the effort finer than the prize, or rather that the effort is the prize, the victory cheap and hollow were it not for the rigor of the game.

––Benjamin Cardozo

A more subtle factor in the production and maintenance of physical health is morale, or “spirit.” Increasing evidence is pointing to the fact that if a person finds his life challenging, purposeful, satisfying, and meaningful, his body works better, maintains its health better, and resists infectious illness better. Such a life, characterized by meaningful work, enjoyable play, and love and friendship thus seems to function as a kind of inexpensive health insurance.

––Sidney M. Jourard, Personal Adjustment, 2^nd Ed., 1963

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

––Winston Churchill, Speech to Parliament, June 4, 1940

Natural selection made man a fighter. The strong survived before man had weapons, and the instincts and responses are still buried in the brain for use when aroused by danger. Then, as now, there are times when the most dangerous thing to do is withdraw, and the safest thing to do is attack. Use the brain you have. Drag up your survival instinct and put it to good use. You have to reinvigorate it by thinking about it at length.

No one deserves gentle kindness more than the weak, ill and dying. Yet, to the best of their ability, they need to get a grip on reality, overcome their weaknesses and fears and take command of their illness and future. Sometimes a form of tough love from those around them is necessary to shake them out of their feeling of sorrow for themselves so that they will fight their disease and make the most of their remaining lives. This, of course, must be done very carefully, according to the nature and condition of the person.

Cancer is not a disease to resist passively or sporadically. Fighting requires major changes in attitude, physical fitness and health management. It may require a whole new orientation to daily life and behavior. It is no longer a part-time effort, like going to the gym. It calls for persistent multi-tasking and effective prioritization based on knowledge, instinct and self-awareness . The enemy may be weakening, but we may not be able to tell. We have to assume that the turning point is near and keeping up the pressure may finally win the struggle. Sometimes a cancer patient will get steadily worse, while most will have short-term ups and downs that may cause long-term misjudgments.

Fighting is supported by both hope and realism, by both feelings and facts. Many different thoughts and emotions will course through our heads, and we must manage them effectively. Imagine the steady effort that enabled victory in World War II, over several long and painful years. Backing away from the enemy or allowing unnecessary losses only means old ground must be retaken or, worse, momentum reverses at that minor tipping point and the war is lost. All this is difficult for the person who has had an easy life, without the need for great efforts. We must remember that our prehistoric ancestors survived and evolved into modern humans because they were fighters.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 28 ACTION

John@CanFighter.com — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:19:00 GMT

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide

for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones.

V/46. Action

Disease is action. How can you respond otherwise?

Successful aggressive action is as much timing as bravery, as much foresight as reaction.

––John Roberts

The great end of life is not knowledge, but action.

––Thomas Huxley, Technical Education (1877)

Has any man ever attained inner harmony by pondering the experience of others? Not since the world began. He must pass through the fire.

––Norman Douglas

Come! Let us lay a lance in rest,

And tilt at windmills under a wild sky!

For who would live so petty and unblest

That dare not tilt at something ere he die;

Rather than, screened by safe majority,

Preserve his little life to little end,

And never raise a rebel cry!

––John Galsworthy, Errantry (Collected Poems), 1934

We all know that feeling of being frozen into indecision by fear or lack of information. Sometimes, action requires some thought beforehand, when a new situation pops up which we have not planned for or thought about. Sometimes the necessary decision-making information is not available, perhaps never will be. And, sometimes, there is no time to think, or the opportunity, or the last chance for safety, is gone. On the other hand, there is often plenty of information and plenty of time, yet the decision still turns out to be evasive or wrong. Not all decisions are black or white, and not all of us are good at organizing information and making sound judgments.

The person who takes action in the face of challenge and threat is admirable. In that image, however, must be included training, preparation and clear thought under pressure of time and circumstances, so that action is not foolish or inexperienced. As a fighter pilot, I know there are times when the safest thing to do is to act, and the most dangerous thing to do is nothing. That doesn’t mean you don’t know when to keep your head down and your defenses up.

Action implies a target. It is the knowledge of that target that combines with your objectives and capabilities to create wise action. Action is not rare––bold verve without adequate preparation or perception of the dangers is common. What is unique is decisive action based on preparation based on planning based on good intelligence.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 27 MOTIVATION

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:21:00 GMT

IV/24. Motivation

Motivation is not an attitude or an instinct; it is a way of life.

To respond to motivation has its difficulties: Some of us don’t like to be told what to do by others; and it is too easy to ignore our own good advice. Accepting the certainty of future death, and dealing with it when it suddenly grows nearer, does not mean being resigned, tired and lacking in the motivation to fight in every way. Motivation is, by definition, overcoming obstacles with necessary strength.

––John Roberts

To have his path made clear for him is the aspiration of every human being in our beclouded and tempestuous existence.

––Joseph Conrad, The Mirror of the Sea, 1906

Motives are causes experienced from within.

––Arthur Schopenhauer

Focusing on success is important because willpower can grow in the long term. Like a muscle, willpower seems to become stronger with use. The idea of exercising willpower is seen in military boot camp, where recruits are trained to overcome one challenge after another….Consistently doing any activity that requires self-control seems to increase willpower — and the ability to resist impulses and delay gratification is highly associated with success in life.

––Sandra Aamodt and Sam Wang, “Tighten Your Belt, Strengthen Your Mind,” New York Times, April 2, 2008

Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward.

––Unknown

The world is composed of only three time zones––the past, the present and the future. Focusing your mind exclusively on the past or the future will get you into trouble and render you ineffective while you are in the present. All of your power to accomplish, your ability to be effective, make decisions, be happy, and to exert maximum personal control over your life, lies only in each succession of present moments.

––Charles J. Givens, SuperSelf, 1993

Fighting cancer while suffering the mental and physical problems it causes is clearly a situation calling for strong motivation. The greatest need for motivation occurs at the time when we least feel like motivating ourselves to do difficult things. The greatest need occurs when the greatest effort is required to take the next step. I have been there in every one of the races in my 50 years of running. That is a simple situation. When we are ill, however, there are many alternatives and uncertainties, and suffering from cancer is a lot worse than suffering from oxygen deprivation. Successful motivation derives from being informed and organized. Then, we find it easier to make choices and work hard at succeeding in simultaneous battles.

There is something funny about the human mind: It likes to think negatively before positively. It is easy to find a million reasons not to do something, but more difficult to find those that will get you up off your backside and on the attack. Only a small minority of people seem to have that built-in desire to seek solutions, to get things done, to concentrate their effort, to achieve the maximum. So, if we can learn to do that, we are already ahead of most of the world and very likely to succeed even if our other resources are limited.

People with strong self-motivation are minor miracles. They do not just see things they want and make an effort to get them; they have a strong desire to improve their lives, and they know how to create a stronger persistent will, a means of achievement, the ability to avoid obstacles and the understanding of what must be done by themselves to reach their loftier goals. They don’t sit back and wait for others to give them reasons and ways, they charge ahead alone, the manager of their own effort and in control of their own lives. At the same time, they are probably strong leaders who can inspire motivation in their followers.

What we believe, and then what we believe with intense conviction, defines what we are. If we don’t know what we believe, we are an empty shell, vulnerable to easy influence. The gradual search for conviction, consistent with character and goodness, is the foundation of a good man or woman. That allows for flexibility as we learn and grow. It does not allow for freely changing our mind to suit the situation. Conviction is best when married to principle. The fight for life requires that effort.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 25 DENIAL

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 16:29:00 GMT

My Blogs and Newsletter are selected from a book in progress:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones.

My website has much useful information such as

hundreds of cancer/health links and books and an Archive of abbreviated book chapters.

www.CanFighter.com

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight No. 25

Denial

by John Roberts

I do not deny, I accept. I fight. That opens many doors.

How can you fight something that you don’t believe exists? Don’t be silly. If you have cancer, it’s growing every day. Life is too short. Believing the illness does not mean believing you will die. It is not negative to accept reality; it is positive to identify the problem and then attack it. Adjusting may take time, but that time should also be used to learn, accept and control your future.

––John Roberts

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.

––Martin Luther King, Jr.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

––Reinhold Niebuhr

How we handle the abrupt, difficult and emotional transition from good health to living with cancer depends on many variables, both internal and external. It calls for help, courage and wisdom. Whether patient or loved one, first there is the normal grief and denial of learning of the illness. But, there are things to be done to treat, to cure and prolong life. It is not the knowledge of the illness that should be thrust aside, it is the fear. Gathering facts and informed opinion, considering options and planning treatment will reduce the fear and prepare for action that will change things for the better. Later, one faces the nearness and reality of death with new strength developed during the illness.

I accept that a stage of denial can be useful to many people in dealing with the initial bad news. What I do not accept is that this is allowed to go on and on, ignoring the reality and facts, and preventing one from taking action to deal with the disease. For some, denial is a useful transition to acceptance, but it should not be prolonged and used as a dishonest therapy. One must not sink into apathy and inaction. There may be exceptions, if that helps provide quality of life in someone who would suffer greatly and/or stop fighting in the face of the real facts.

There is a contentment and power that comes from being in harmony with reality. We should not deny unpleasant facts, but we may resist the worst of the possible outcomes. It is imperative to distinguish between those two things, and to attack them in totally different ways.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 24 ACCEPTANCE

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 18:43:00 GMT

My Blogs and Newsletter are selected from a book in progress:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones.

My website has much useful information such as hundreds of cancer/health links and books and an Archive of abbreviated book chapters.

www.CanFighter.com

Subscribe or unsubscribe there for yourself or others.
We will not sell or invade the privacy of your address.
100 Ways to Fight are available for organizations, publications and websites.
Free, Weekly. Contact me.

100 Ways to Fight

Acceptance

by John Roberts

Acceptance should be decisive, and commitment to action.

We should be reluctant to accept what we do not understand, but there are mysteries we will never solve. So, we take some things on faith or with a little sugar, or grim reality or a stubborn will to resist anyway. The goal is to avoid decisions unimproved by facts.
––John Roberts

Let it be.
––Paul McCartney, Song, 1970

Acceptance should not be mistaken for a happy state. It is almost void of feelings. It is as if the pain had gone, the struggle is over, and there comes a time for “the final rest before the long journey.”
––Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, 1969

It is difficult for us, and those who help us, to improve our condition if we do not accept it. How can we follow advice if we do not accept the reason and need? How can we develop a positive mental attitude unless it is based on a clear understanding of the facts? One of the facts may be that our cancer often has an uncertain future. Incorrect assumptions or beliefs are likely to lead us to take the wrong actions, and action is what solves our problem. In other words, hanging on to comforting thoughts could cause a failure to treat or cure our disease. If cancer is best attacked in a hundred ways, it is best to accept the target, even if we positively resist our individual susceptibility.

As we accept our illness and the possible consequences, we also develop new attitudes and arrangements for time remaining. We may start to throw out problems and distractions that are no longer important. Acceptance of reality enables us to clean up and limit our personal world. We establish new goals, with focus on a search for a clear understanding of our condition and our manner of leaving. So, acceptance is critical to our change into a person determined to make the best of life and to leave life in the best way.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, No. 23 REALITY

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:02:00 GMT

My Blogs and Newsletter are selected from a book in progress:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones.

My website has much useful information such as
hundreds of cancer/health links and books and an Archive of abbreviated book chapters.

www.CanFighter.com

Subscribe or unsubscribe there for yourself or others.
We will not sell or invade the privacy of your address.

100 Ways to Fight are available for organizations, publications and websites.
Free, Weekly. Contact me.

100 Ways to Fight

Reality

by John Roberts

You cannot fight what you do not accept as real.

The world is full of spin, lies and deception, but nothing threatens the practical reality that should govern our lives more than our own illusions and wishful thinking. There is nothing wrong with optimistic hopes while facing uncertain or extremely pessimistic outcomes, so long as one does not ignore the facts.
––John Roberts

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
––T.S. Eliot, Murder in the Cathedral, 1935

Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
––Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1974

Reality is the essence of life. We may try to avoid it, sometimes we can fool ourselves for a time, but it will not go away and it eventually triumphs. Regardless of where we are in the cancer sequence from diagnosis to remission, cure or death, there finally comes a time when most of us are better off accepting reality than entertaining false hopes. Most of the way, however, the objective is to maintain the optimistic attitude and fighting spirit that is essential to improving the odds, however positive or dismal they may be.

This, however, may not so easily carry over into illness which is entitled to more compassion than the lesser hard realities of daily life. The judgment about how much truth to give a patient, especially a dying one, can only be left to the individuals involved. In some cases, it may be better to avoid the pain of reality and continue the comfort of pretending that the outcome will be OK. Some patients may move quickly toward a drugged or comatose state where there is no need to discuss what is to come. Others will know when the time has come, and slip into a state of peace and acceptance.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight: No. 22, WORRY

John@CanFighter.com — Sat, 31 May 2008 15:16:00 GMT

My Blogs and Newsletter are selected from a book in progress:

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight

A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers and Loved Ones.

My website has much useful information such as
hundreds of cancer/health links and books and an Archive of abbreviated book chapters.

www.CanFighter.com

Subscribe or unsubscribe there for yourself or others.
We will not sell or invade the privacy of your address.

100 Ways to Fight are available for organizations, publications and websites. Free, Weekly. Contact me.

100 Ways to Fight

Worry

by John Roberts

It’s your mind. You have trained it for a lifetime. Control it.
––John Roberts

Consider it not so deeply.
––William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 1606

A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within itself, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.
––Nathaniel Hawthorne

Unfortunately, trying to completely eliminate worry is a self-defeating goal that sets you up for failure because it’s unachievable. The truth is that some worry is a reality of life. It’s when worry is persistent, out of control, and unproductive that it becomes a problem. That’s why we stress setting the goal of controlling unproductive worry, not eliminating all worry.
Pamela S. Wiegartz, Ph.D. and Kevin L. Gyoerkoe, Psy.D.,
10 Simple Solutions to Worry, 2006

Researchers have found that people under stress are more likely than less-stressed people to develop infectious diseases….The effects are especially strong in the elderly….Just as stressors can suppress the immune system, social support and other stress-mediating factors can help to sustain it.
––Douglas A. Berstein & Peggy W. Nash,
Essentials of Psychology, 3^rd Ed., 2005

My Dad, always highly successful in life, used to say: Don’t worry about things: Most of them will not happen or will be beyond your control. As for the rest, deal with them as you would any task––priorities, a plan and a process––and save your emotions for the good times. Getting upset and worried only prevents a solution and brings more problems.

We must wash our minds of the bad memories of the past and the imagined, exaggerated worries about the future. Some of these may certainly be legitimate, and there may be a remaining time for dealing with them. As they say, even paranoids have enemies. But, they must be isolated in their own area and prevented from infecting our sustained optimism and happiness. The best solution is to discuss worries with someone who can correct misconceptions, reduce them to unemotional matters and facts to be dealt with and transfer the confidence and comfort that ameliorates our concerns.

We know some people who worry a lot; we can see it in their faces, conversation and actions. It dominates their thinking, it guides the way they deal with the world. They may take excessive and unnecessary precautions or be afraid to take simple risks because of imagined threats or exaggerated dangers. They are afraid to leave the comfort and safety of their narrow, protected existence. Walls to keep the danger out become barriers to the joy of life. So, we must examine ourselves as both patients and caregivers so that the trauma of serious illness does not cause excessive worry and unhappiness when our mental state is so crucial to our fight. It is tragic to see someone succumb to worry that overcomes all their control and threatens their positive future.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.

Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight No. 20 SOLITUDE

John@CanFighter.com — Sun, 18 May 2008 22:52:00 GMT

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Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight No. 20
Solitude
by John Roberts

Solitude is not loneliness; it is a crowd of friendly ideas.

Solitude is my greatest solace and my greatest strength, because that is when my mind is at its best and I can focus intently on its memories, lessons and goals. That is my daily inspiration, refreshment and settlement.

Command of solitude means I am in command of my life, and the end of it. I will not surrender any of that.

––John Roberts

The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.
––Henrik Ibsen

I was never less alone than while by myself.
––Edward Gibbon, Memoirs, 1796

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude….
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
––Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854

In solitude one is not lonely, even though alone. Indeed, there are periods of successful solitude in the presence of others, a rudeness one must be careful about. For me, that state of mind is different from focused meditation and quiet contemplation of self and world, those other valuable skills. For me it is placing my mind away from lesser distractions and then arranging and adding understanding and connectivity to the disorganized storm of fact, opinion and observation that intrudes on my sense of peace. Getting my mental house in order is the measure and duty of a lifetime, all the more so as I try to clean up and prepare for the shut-down of that curious and fervid brain that has lured me into so much joy, excitement and satisfaction, but also dismay, failure and regret.

In order to spend time happily and productively with yourself, you have to enjoy the company. That means humble and enduring self-respect, which can only be developed in solitude. It is a chicken and an egg. Don’t look to others to build your self-esteem; do it yourself, it’s more reliable. Solitude is a quality that must be carefully managed. It is a positive experience that enables close touch with self, nature and spirituality. It is important to separate that introspection and problem-solving from the possible negative impact of withdrawal from people and society. It is one thing to move positively into solitude, another to move negatively away from the world.

Be sure to check our web site for more and deeper information. www.CanFighter.com. Subscribe to our free, weekly, one-page Cancer Fighter Newsletter at the website.